your mom
Show some respect
Registration Date: 07-12-2007
Posts: 164
Location: Georgia, US
 |
|
| RE: The Moral of the Fly! |
     |
Hehehehe, wow. I'll concur with that.
__________________
"If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!" - P.J. O'Rourke
"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have". -T. Jefferson
your mom [664]
|
|
07-15-2007 12:43 |
|
|
Doofus 
Quite Evil
Registration Date: 07-12-2007
Posts: 326
Location: Bristol, UK
Thread Starter 
|
|
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:
Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine and dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:
Show up naked . . . with Beer.
You all know it's true! 
__________________
Hath thou the endurance to resist?
The eternal flames of Hell await thee.
|
|
|
07-15-2007 12:58 |
|
|
criminalhate
Moderator
Registration Date: 07-15-2007
Posts: 325
Location: Detroit (suburbs), MI
|
|
LOL now that is true
__________________
criminalhate -CVH- [123]
In Game Assistant
I Hate Hippies, But I Don't Eat Meat
|
|
|
07-17-2007 00:05 |
|
|
Doofus
Quite Evil
Registration Date: 07-12-2007
Posts: 326
Location: Bristol, UK
Thread Starter
|
|
How To Shower Like A Woman
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see you boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to bathroom.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can whine about how you’re getting fat.
4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
9. Wash entire body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes, as you must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegy off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
How To Shower Like A Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her making the "woo-woo” sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your manhood in the mirror.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don’t bother to look for a washcloth. (You don’t use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
10. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
11. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
12. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
13. Pee (in the shower).
14. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
15. Partially dry off.
16. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire size of manhood.
17. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
18. Leave bathroom and fan light on.
19. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, go “Yeah Baby” whilst flapping the towel edges.
20. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
__________________
Hath thou the endurance to resist?
The eternal flames of Hell await thee.
This post has been edited 1 time(s), it was last edited by Doofus: 07-17-2007 15:36.
|
|
|
07-17-2007 15:36 |
|
|
your mom
Show some respect
Registration Date: 07-12-2007
Posts: 164
Location: Georgia, US
|
|
Ugh... men.
__________________
"If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!" - P.J. O'Rourke
"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have". -T. Jefferson
your mom [664]
|
|
|
07-17-2007 16:53 |
|
|
Tori
Bad Ass
Registration Date: 07-15-2007
Posts: 75
Location: UK
|
|
"If you see you boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to bathroom."
This only applies if you do not actually like said boyfriend/husband and are currently having an affair.
"stick out your gut so that you can whine about how you’re getting fat."
Stick out? While looking in a mirror? Are you insane? You never breathe out you must suck in stomach at all times!
__________________
Tori 354
|
|
|
07-17-2007 18:36 |
|
|
*~*Venus*~*
Quite Evil
Registration Date: 07-18-2007
Posts: 369
Location: Dover-foxcroft, Me
|
|
rofl well isnt that the truth
__________________
|
|
|
07-18-2007 00:45 |
|
|
Doofus
Quite Evil
Registration Date: 07-12-2007
Posts: 326
Location: Bristol, UK
Thread Starter
|
|
THE DONKEY
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
NOW --------
Enough of that crap . . .
The donkey later came back, and bit the s**t out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
__________________
Hath thou the endurance to resist?
The eternal flames of Hell await thee.
This post has been edited 1 time(s), it was last edited by Doofus: 07-18-2007 03:42.
|
|
|
07-18-2007 03:41 |
|
|
Douglaas
Full-On Criminal
Registration Date: 07-15-2007
Posts: 49
Location: Doncaster
|
|
A ventriloquist is on holiday in Wales and decides to go for a walk in the country. He sees a farmer sat on front of his house with his dog next to him, a horse in the paddock and sheep in the field.
He asks the farmer " Do you mind if I talk to your Dog"
tha farmer looks at him strangely and says "If you want but he dont talk."
The ventriloquist says to the dog " So hows life?"
Dog replies "Very good really, gat fed and walked an there's loads of space to run arounf and chase rabbits."
Farmer looks sudprised. The ventriloquist than asks if he can speak the horse. The farmer agrees a bit dubiously.
"So then horse hows your life?"
"not bad" horse replies "Get a good run aroun, well fed, nice stable. Can't complain really."
Farmer is astounded now. Next the vetriloquist says " Can I speak to the Sheep?"
Farmer replies "Sheeps a liar."
__________________
Remember it's never a bad time for a sandwhich.
|
|
|
07-18-2007 16:10 |
|
|
greywolf
Bad Ass
Registration Date: 07-17-2007
Posts: 88
|
|
well thats what we need more of,, bring on the funnies,
__________________
Buying the following
Bravery drinks 20k
value meals 60k
will potions 85k
case of drinks 500k
crystals 1700 each
mail user 346 for a deal
|
|
|
09-20-2007 04:55 |
|
|
|
Funny Stuff
Showers